Blaming your spouse for your happiness is the number one way in which relationships begin to fail. Ultimately you are responsible for your own well-being and day to day living in which your spouse should compliment. Do you depend on your spouse to entertain you, hang out with you or make you happy? Did you shut out all of your friends when you first started to date and now when your spouse isn’t around you don’t know what to do with your free time? These are all indications that you have ‘lost’ yourself in the relationship. This is a very common problem that many couples face as the relationship bliss often takes over your life and other people tend to get shut out because of it. Remember that having your own goals and sense of identity outside of your relationship is vital. Alternately some people get into a relationship and pour all of their time and energy into someone else, which ultimately becomes draining after a while. You must always remember to put on your own oxygen mask before you try to help another.
If your happiness is truly suffering you may need to reassess your identity or sense of progress with yourself or your relationship. What goals are your working towards? What do you enjoy doing? Where do you feel the most comfortable or the most at ease? Ask yourself tough questions to get yourself back on to a better path in life.
Do you often find that you are prone to see your spouses flaws rather than your spouses strengths? This does not mean they are highly flawed it means that you are prone to see negative in a situation. A good rule of thumb is to judge yourself first and others last. If you are finding that your spouse not not meet your expectations you also must consider that you chose this person to be in your life. That is also something in which you had / have control over. Accepting your spouse is vital to a healthy relationship because there is no such thing as perfect no matter how much you would hope for that. Often people who are prone to see flaws instead of positives tend to think the grass would be greener somewhere else. This is most certainly an oversight when it comes to relationships. Coming to an acceptance that we are all flawed (even you) can help alleviate tension or ill feelings towards your spouse. People tend to become what you see them as, so be very careful how you look.
Are you finding that you and your spouse do not want the same things long term? These types of conversations should be visited semi-annually to make sure things are on track. If your plans are to complete Grad school in a foreign Country, be sure that your spouse is on board with this. If you suddenly change your mind about having kids, be sure that your spouse is on board with this too. Be open with your communication and keep your partner up to date with your life goals because nobody likes to feel blindsided. If they are unable to remain in the relationship because their plans don’t mesh with your plans, it is time to move on. Never keep secrets from your spouse and ensure that you are as transparent as possible.
Allegro Counselling in Edmonton, AB offers psychological services including couples counselling, marriage counselling, family and individual counselling to help patients create positive outcomes in their life. If you're suffering from depression, anxiety, or personality disorder, Allegro Counselling can help you achieve your goals.
The various mental health concerns that we treat includes but not limited to bereavement, trauma, career counselling, weight loss, eating disorders, smoking cessation, separation and divorce, parenting, and addictions.