The top 10 horrifying Halloween handouts

One of my favourite “holidays” is fast approaching. In the same way many people start thinking about Christmas when they are still barbequing under a hot August sun, by July or August, I already have my costume decided on. This year I will be a Ghostbuster(ette) and the good sport that my man is, he is going to be the “Stay Puft Marshmallow Man”. As a grown up, I love attending Halloween parties, but as a kid I loved going trick-or-treating.

When I was growing up, maybe my neighbours didn’t have overly active imaginations or they just allowed us kids to be kids because I always got candy. Nowadays, people are giving trick-or-treaters some of the oddest things! Some are whacky and others are downright inappropriate. I found this list that was compiled by Reader’s Digest Canada. Here are the top 10 horrifying Halloween handouts.

Dogs and cats are your kids, but kids are not dogs and cats

It makes sense that many people with dogs and cats treat them like they are their kids, but does that mean the reverse is true? Is there a new movement to feed kids doggie bones and catnip? Yes, there have been reports of children coming home with pet food after trick-or-treating!

Can’t kids be kids?

Okay, a comic book in your child’s loot bag is one thing, but Playboy? But equally disturbing are how many kids find religious pamphlets that promise kids that terrible things will befall them for celebrating Halloween. I am not lying and that’s not funny!

Garlic, canned veggies and frozen dinners, oh my!

Can you imagine the look on a child’s face that opens his loot bag to find canned veggies, or potatoes? What about if she finds a few cloves of garlic or a frozen entrée of chicken wings? The imaginations of some grown-ups…

So the message is: Your kid is stinky and needs to wipe more!

I used to get toothbrushes in my trick-or-treat bag and I knew full well that it was my dentist who did this. But soap, shampoo and toilet paper routinely make their way into kids’ bags.

Things that weren’t sold at the last garage sale

That’s the only way I can describe this list:

• Staples
• Paperclips
• Batteries
• Bobby pins
• Free trial software CDs

As if Playboy weren’t horrifying enough

Inappropriate doesn’t quite describe this list:

• Firecrackers
• Beer
• Liquor
• Cigarettes
• Condoms

My head is reeling!

Will they notice that the candy is from last Christmas or Easter?

Yes, my friends, candy canes, Easter bunnies and oh dear, pretty pastel eggs that have long since met their expiration date! Who keeps eggs around for six months?

Too much take-out is my guess

Some people must eat a whole lot of take-out food if they can hand out numerous packets of:

• Ketchup
• Mustard
• Relish
• Peanut butter
• Plastic forks, knives and spoons

No, not real spiders! Chocolate ones!

I can only imagine the horrified looks on the faces of kids and their parents as children bit into what they thought were chocolate candy made to look like an insect only to discover they were really chocolate covered:

• Scorpions
• Crickets
• Ants
• And others I don’t care to mention!

Beats going door to door

While it’s true there’s no better way to get the word out than going door to door to sell your product or service, it’s pretty low to use children out for a night of fun as your messenger. Parents have reported their kids receiving:

• Business cards
• Marketing brochures
• Coupons offering discounts for:
• roof repair
• Real estate agents
• New products and services

I am curious, what have your kids come home with after a night of touring the neighbourhood in search of chocolate and candy? 

Until next time,

Peace, love and vitamin C!