Top 5 things a couple can do to try and repair their relationship before getting separated:
1. Don't make a hasty decision: based on misdeeds or feeling such as emptiness or pain. This includes infidelity. Pre infidelity many individuals would automatically never entertain the possibility of a reconciliation over an affair. However the statistics indicate that approximately 50% of these relationships were repaired. Clearly there is often more going on than the self-serving behavior of the offending partner.
2. Discouragement: Once the distance or dissatisfaction in the relationship has been established then comes the decision to do something about it. Of course couples may be exhausted or very discouraged and do not feel like they have the energy to make an effort. There can be a tendency to get away from this discomfort as soon as possible. This is understandable especially if the patterns have been long term.
3. Don't quit: Why? It is important out of respect for the relationship, respect for the individuals, and creates an opportunity for personal growth. Exiting a relationship too quickly without making an effort may produce little learning and increase the possibility of repeating this negative pattern with a new partner.
4. Be mindful: Unhappiness can breed intimately connecting with another for support. If this is happening then it is telling you that there is an avoidance in confronting your partner or a frustration after many attempts that have not gone anywhere.
5. Seek Help: There are many skilled therapist available to assist you in a collaborative way. Sometimes couples discover their relationship is over and neither are defective but the relationship is not a good fit. Neglecting to make an effort could produce poor learning and regret. Others may repair and create a newer and stronger relationship. The degree of discomfort and the duration of effort may be far less than have anticipated.
Dr. Pinaud is a registered Clinical Counsellor (BCACC#1992) based in North Vancouver, British Columbia, who specializes in relationship issues that include couples, families, and single individuals who may have had unsuccessful experiences in the past or are wanting to be involved in a long term committed relationship for the first time.
Over 20 years ago, Dr. Pinaud went through a painful divorce. At that time he enrolled in a course called “Rebuilding” by Dr. Bruce Fisher, which became the catalyst for significant growth and sparked his interest in Psychology. As a result he was trained and became a facilitator for this course. This led to the completion of a Masters in Psychology and a Doctorate in Counselling Psychology. The learning and passion for Dr. Pinaud's work continues to grow.